NVR = Non-Violent Resistance
I'm not sure that I like the name 'Non-Violent Resistance' - it conjures up all sorts of odd images in my head of what it may or may not mean!
I prefer to say that it's peaceful resistance - when violence or aggression is present, the parent resists it peacefully ... or simply a therapeutic parenting model that understands and addresses children with challenging behaviours ... but that's all a bit of a mouthful!!
It is called NVR because it's based on its origins within political arenas to instigate change. Many great figures in history, including Gandhi, Rosa Parkes & Martin Luther King, have used NVR principles to object to problems occurring and to continue to object and bring about change without getting caught up in violence. In other words when faced with aggression or violence, the response is always peaceful.
In 2004 Haim Omer, a Psychology Professor in Israel, took the NVR philosophy and started using it within family settings. He describes that as a parent he himself felt helpless, as if his children were in charge and he wanted to change that and take back his parenting role. Using NVR he did just that, then developed NVR for use by families.
NVR is an established and well researched approach which has been specifically developed for responding effectively to aggressive, violent, self-destructive and controlling behaviour in children, adolescents and young adults.
The NVR Parenting Programme is recognised throughout CAMHS and almost all adoption agencies as the go-to parenting approach and has helped thousands of families to change their lives. Parents report increased confidence in their parenting, a greater sense of being in control and improved relationships within the family.
Does any of this resonate with you?
"I feel helpless."
"I’ve tried everything. "
"I can’t take this any longer."
"I feel like I am treading on eggshells around my child."
"It feels like my child is the one in charge in this house."
"I’m falling out of love with my child."
"We have lost control of our child & I'm scared someone will get hurt."
Challenging behaviours
Would you describe your child as defiant, oppositional, highly anxious, controlling, impulsive, explosive, violent or struggling to cope with early life trauma?
... do they often exhibit any of these behaviours:
Swearing, shouting, spitting, hitting, kicking, biting, damaging property, screaming when not getting their own way, refusal to helps around house, never tidies up after themselves, plays on computer games/phones/screens for hours and refuses to stop when asked, deliberately making everyone late, disrupts dinner, refusing to eat what’s in front of them, demands food/ snacks at unreasonable times, fusses in the shower/bath, refuses to shower or clean teeth, leaves dirty clothes everywhere, demands gifts/money, lies, steals, ignores rules ...
Living like this is stressful and probably not something you signed up for when you adopted/fostered or even gave birth to your child.
A lot of parents have tried other parenting courses and techniques with little or no effect.
There are many reasons why children resort to aggressive or controlling behaviours and many parents feel that they are just being deliberately defiant or manipulative but if you look at what's behind or underneath the behaviour it is very likely that it all comes from a place of stress.
NVR is not ‘behaviour management’ it doesn’t seek to change the child, it focuses on the parenting strategies that build trust and heal relationships and create a calm loving family environment.
As one parent put it: “It is not an exaggeration to say that the NVR course we undertook with Jenny has been life changing for our family. We now have a far happier son and a calmer home.”
Working with me, using the NVR techniques, you will learn:
- Effective de-escalation techniques,
- Ways to increase your parental presence, and create connection
- Therapeutically addressing and stopping unwanted behaviours,
- Repairing child-to-parent relationships.
- Developing a support network
How it works
I work mainly with adopters and foster carers, however NVR works for all parents who are struggling with any kind of challenging behaviours. If you have read the 'about me' page you will already know that I come from a place of lived experience, so I know first hand what you are going through and I provide a unique empathic perspective on living with daily child-to-parent violence.
We start with 8-10 weekly sessions lasting 1-2 hours each. The sessions are with the parents only - the child is not present at any of the sessions. Each week we will explore the techniques, untangle the overwhelm, and most importantly support you in the process of creating a calm loving and respectful home.
I have found that parents gain more and more confidence each week as I plan, prepare and guide them through the NVR programme.
All sessions are conducted virtually via the Zoom platform.
Please email me for pricing or you can apply for funding via the Adoption Support Fund (for adopters and special guardians) - ask your adoption support social worker to apply for this on your behalf.
Call me for a no obligation chat to see if NVR is right for you and your family.
"Meeting Jenny and learning how to use NVR has been a turning point for our family. With 2 adopted boys who struggle with their feelings and how to express them, we experienced child to adult violence on a regular basis. We had no idea how to manage the behaviour and worried how much worse things would get as the boys got older, bigger and stronger. Jenny is warm and friendly with no judgement of how we handled things as she had been there and made mistakes just as we had. She has supported us and shown us how we can help our boys feel safe and loved and the violence disappeared. Whenever we experience times of stress or worry for the boys and levels of anger and aggression rise we turn back to NVR and rebalance the family. Jenny has also helped by talking with our son's school, as to how to use NVR in the school environment so the boys get a consistent message which has also helped both the boys and the staff cope better when things are difficult. " B&G October 2021
“In October 2020 our family had reached a real lowpoint, our adopted son had started to regularly resort to violent behaviour which was mainly directed to us in the home but had started to occur at school resulting in him being excluded. We started working with Jenny later that month and started to see the results of using the principles of NVR in a matter of weeks. We were more confident and consistent in how we responded to any violence and within 6 weeks the violence had entirely stopped. It is not an exaggeration to say that the NVR course we undertook with Jenny has been life changing for our family. We now have a far happier son and a calmer home.” S & G. Feb 2021
